So on the evening of January 16th, but officially the morning of the 17th, I found out I was pregnant. There, I finally said it! It has been killing me for a solid week to not tell anyone. If I write it, does it count? Maybe I jinxed myself, but honestly, it feels a lot better to say it than to bottle it in and wait for it to erupt.
I had suspected for a few days that I might be and finally told my husband that I thought we needed to stop by Walgreen's on the way home from work at the bookstore Sunday evening. Walking down that aisle in the store was nerve-racking! I was confronted with nearly 30 different boxes of tests and my mind ran amok with questions! "Which one is best?" "Do I need more than one, just to be safe?" "Man, these things are expensive!" Not 100% sure in myself and not wanting to spend a fortune, I selected a moderately-priced box that contained three pee-sticks and boasted to provide results as early as five days before a missed period.
I agonized the whole way home. "When should I take it? I'm kind of excited, but pretty damn nervous, so wait until the morning? Take one now and save the other two in case the first says no but Aunt Flow still doesn't show?" I'm pretty sure I drove my poor hubby insane with my incessant prattle, but what can I say? I'm a girl and it runs in the family.
I read the directions carefully before I sat to "proctor" one of the most important tests of my life. My favorite "instruction" insisted that the test was "not for internal use." I don't know if you've used/seen one of these tests, but despite the "comfort grip" it's not the friendliest thing I've ever seen. Finally, I folded the instructions, but them back in the box, and prepared to wait my two minutes to determine the results. They came hard and fast! Two little lines appeared within 15 seconds of replacing the cap. The results were in...I was pregnant! Hooray!
I teared up a little and showed my husband. He was happy, confirmed that the results looked positive to him as well, and gave me a hug. Then, the doubt started to creep in. What if I hadn't taken the test right? The directions said to pee for five seconds, but I only had enough fluid in me for four good "Mississippis." It warned about peeing too much or not enough, about using morning urine and not drinking a lot of water beforehand, as it could "dilute" the results. Despite the strong positive result, I decided I needed to take another test to be sure. When I told Aaron I wanted to take a second test, he laughed and said, "I knew you would." He'd thought that, when I picked up the box with three tests in it at Walgreen's, I would take them all anyway.
After I flogged him verbally for being unsupportive (jk folks, I love him to pieces), I proceeded to drink a whole bottle of Diet Dr. Pepper AND a whole bottle of water to ensure my ability to produce the full "five seconds" of fluid. True to its word, the second test's results looked a little hazy; that second blue line was only "sorta" there. Way to go me! I worried about not following the rules on the first test and what did I do? Ignored the rules about how much fluid to consume and peeing in the morning and mucked up that second test.
Well now I was had a conundrum. Do I take the third test? After all, I did get three! Do I wait? Do I just assume I'm preggo based on the first test's results (I'm sure most people probably would have). I needed proof to be certain and I knew that waiting until the morning would be best, but now that my mind was racing, how on earth could I wait? Surely, the suspense would kill me, right? Knowing that Aaron was probably a bit frazzled by my level of frazzled-ness, I called Sara to talk to her to find out what she thought. We talked for a while about the whole thing, what she had done when she thought she was pregnant and how things went for her. I even sent her a picture of my two test results; she thought the both looked fairly affirmative, but understood my concerns. We even discussed how long she waited to tell people (yeah, she waited until the end of the first trimester, which has me convinced that she is the world's best secret-keeper). She essentially told me to wait until the morning to take the third test and I knew that was the right plan.
I had a difficult time falling asleep. I had a lot on my mind to do with school (the kind I work at), school (the class I'm taking) and thinking about possibly being pregnant. I ended up getting out of bed at 2:30am and trying to do some things to put my mind at ease. I ended up finishing Aaron and my "engagement journal" over six months late, typing up notes for a professional development I had to plan, and ended up organizing my paperwork file. In-Fing-sane, I know! I tried to go back to bed at about 4:30am, but still had trouble sleeping. I got up at about 6:00am, sprinted to the bathroom, took the third test, and finally felt comfortable enough to say, "Yes, I'm pregnant." The two little lines were as clear as day!
I have a lot of emotions right now. It feels very surreal at the moment, like maybe it's happening to someone else. Every time I think about being pregnant, I get little butterflies fluttering around in my stomach. I've known for less than a week and I am already in love with the little person growing inside of me (currently the size of a poppy seed according to one website I visited). All I can think of is how I prayed to God to let this happen if He felt that we were ready and now, we have this miracle to look forward to. There is a little person growing inside of me! Aaron and I are going to be parents! At the moment, I am technically a mommy! I am very excited! I plan to make this the healthiest and happiest pregnancy ever, come what may!
Now, it's time for the worries to settle in a bit. I noticed that I have already gained weight. I know that this is going to continue to happen over the course of the next nine months, but I am paranoid! I just lost 50 pounds over the course of a year of extremely hard work and I hate to see that progress go down the drain. Now, I have still been eating healthy, so my guess is that the weight gain is due to two major things: my sudden increased intake of water and my inability to produce "my morning constitutional." Now that may gross some people out, but I'm all about being honest and I have to tell you, I really would like to be able to fix that last one. I hate to say that I'm full of poo, but it appears that I am. I read that this is a natural side effect of the little angel/parasite growing inside me, that Junior has my plumbing all screwed up and there's not much to do about it other than to drink a lot, exercise, and eat fiber. Well, all three of those methods are in place and it's still a struggle, but we'll see how things play out.
I know that since I'm so early in the pregnancy, the risk of miscarriage is high at the moment, at least higher than during the other trimesters. As such, I know I'm not supposed to tell a lot of people. However, it is difficult for me to keep this all bottled up when I am so excited! I have spoken with a few people that I trust: Sara (obviously), the school nurse (it just made sense), my walking partner (just in case I would fall or something while doing our morning 5K), my bestie Stephanie (I'll be in her wedding during my 3rd trimester) and two people at school whom I trust for advice. I'm sure that may make members of my family upset that they didn't know first, but I feel like, to save them the concern of these first few months, I will wait to talk to them until after my first doctor's appointment.
That brings up something else that is interesting. I thought that once I learned I was pregnant from the "baby Game at Home" kit, the doctor would want to see me ASAP to conduct their own test to confirm. Wrong-O! They don't even want to look at me and my multiplying cells until at least 8-10 weeks. Also, did you know that your pregnancy technically begins the first day of your last period? I didn't! I thought it started when egg met sperm, and since that's not possible (or maybe it is, but ICK) while the Russians are attacking, I assumed that pregnancy was counted starting 1-2 weeks after said period. Nope! At this time, I am approximately 6 weeks along according to how the doctors count it, and waiting none too patiently for the appointment during which they will make me cry for all the bleeding I'll have to do.
All of the fears and complaints aside, I am so happy that I could literally shoot sunshine out my rear-end! I am looking forward to this journey, have already started to plan how to rearrange this house to accommodate Baby Robinson, and am excited to at least tell people via blog. This was a great exercise in getting the word out there, without actually telling anyone yet that could stress me out! So, if you're reading, I'd like to tell you that I, Valerie Robinson, am expecting... :-)
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