Hard to believe that if you aren't looking directly at the calendar date (cuz he was born on the 8th, not the 6th), Killian arrived in ours lives 1 month ago! Here is a list of the ways in which my life has been altered, arguably, for the better:
1. Taking time out - I have learned how important that it is for me to stop and enjoy things. Killian consumes so much of my time that early on, I didn't know how to enjoy my hobbies or watch my TV shows much any more. Thankfully, I am either catching up on sleep or getting used to less of it and therefore, I am able to get in a nap and then go about my own business while he naps or swings or bounces. I am also glad that having Kiddo around doesn't mean we've lost touch with the people we care about. Just last weekend, Stephanie, Kevin, and Anthony came over to play games and they graciously continued to play while I nursed, but kept me involved as well. I get phone calls frequently from other friends and family, and nearly each week, we've had someone stop by to see us. Who am I kidding? They come for the baby and I know it! :)
2. Weight - They weren't kidding when they talked about how great breastfeeding is for weight loss. It was hard in the beginning and we are currently dealing with what I believe is a growth spurt at the moment, so I am nearly attached to him by the boob, but I have lost all of the pregnancy weight, plus 5-10 more, depending on how I weigh myself. We are dealing with thrush right now as well, which appears to be on the mend, but we have a lot of meds left, so we're going to take them all. That means I can pump milk, but can't freeze it, which is frustrating, but I'll live. My appetite is slowly returning as well. I managed to eat three pieces of greasy Casey's pizza when Stephanie and Kevin visited last night, and two slices of cheesy bread, which is amazing!
3. Type A-ness - Gradually, I am letting go of some of my need to control everything. I am still coming to terms with the fact that my schedule is no longer my own. I am actually looking forward to returning to work because I feel that work and daycare will bring back some semblance of a schedule to my life. Work will also bring the return of intellectual stimulation as well, as my students and colleagues will challenge me to think in ways that Killian isn't able to yet. I can't wait until he can talk though, seriously! I know that going back to work and letting someone other than Aaron or me take care of Killian will be hard, but I am also embracing it as a chance to return to a more "normal" life. We will have to be separated at some point... :(
4. Aaron - I always knew he would be a great dad, but seeing it in action is so stunning! I think he may actually be the better parent. I tend to be riddled with anxiety about "is he eating enough?" "why is he crying?" "is he sick?" and so on. Aaron is comfortable letting Killian have a little cry to try to let him soothe himself before he sweeps in. Now, when Momma is trying to rest, it's hard to hear the sadness of my baby boy, but Aaron always has it under control. I have come to realize just how lucky I am that Aaron is my partner in life and crime. He never hesitates to give me a break or let me sleep to get ready for the night. If anything, I worry that he is overwhelmed with work AND Killian, but he never seems phased really. Aaron gives Killian a bottle each night, and I love watching the two of them cuddle. I seriously didn't think I could love Aaron more than I did before Killian, but I know that I couldn't do this without him and my love, respect, and appreciation are so much deeper now that we have a child together. YLI Querido Mio!
5. Cuddle-time - Is there anything sweeter than this little boy? Even when he's screaming or fussy? I think not. Killian is the light of my life. No matter how overwhelmed I feel by the fact that I am his Mommy and that he relies on me so fully, I don't think I was ever meant for a greater purpose. His growth spurt has made him pretty restless, but with that restlessness has come these great cuddle moments when I can just hold him in my arms, lay him on my chest, or cuddle him on the Boppy (great invention that, by the way; invest in it all you mothers-to-be). Sometimes, we just look at each other. I talk to him, not usually saying ANYTHING important or even really telling a story, just repeating that he's my little boy, he's safe and loved and perfect in my eyes. When I move around the room, his eyes try to follow me now. When I cuddle him on my chest, he moves his head so he can see me? There is such a bond that I can't begin to describe between us. I never, ever want him to lose faith in his Momma because she loves him so very deeply. I cannot believe how blessed I am to have this little boy in my life! How did God choose me for this? What was He thinking? Haha!
I was going to try to post some pictures, but I hear Kiddo calling for his next meal in the bedroom, so I'd better run. I'll try to post a few images in the next few days. He's growing so much. We are having his 1 month photos taken on Saturday (wish us luck that I have them timed just right).
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