Ok, I am both looking forward to and near in tears about tomorrow. My baby boy will start at day care tomorrow. I will be staying home (or doing a LOT of running around) while he goes. Aaron and I made the decision to start him a few days early for a few reasons. One, I have my post-natal check-up tomorrow and it will be easier to go to the doctor without Killian potentially screaming or needing to nurse while there. Two, I have a few days until I start work again, so if there are any issues, I should be able to help deal with them. And three, Momma is going to need to get used to having someone else take care of her little boy.
That's the part that I think will tear me up the most. I know that Aaron and I have chosen a great day care and that these people know what they are doing. He will be in great hands. The thing is, those hands aren't mine. I feel he's safest in my hands (control-freak Momma talking). For as frustrating as being a new mom has been, I wouldn't have it any other way (ok, maybe a bit easier, but you get the idea). Killian is the light of my days, and on occasion my nights, LOL! I'm not sure I remember what to do when my life isn't dominated by a nurse-change-nurse-rock/sleep cycle that repeats every three hours or so. Some days have been harder than others, some days I was in tears, got pooped/peed/puked on (like this morning), but I still had this precious little angel in my arms! What do I do when someone else is in charge and, even more alarmingly, he's not even here? When Aaron is taking care of him, or a friend/family member is holding him, I'm still around to help. Tomorrow and Thursday, I can GO help, but on Friday, time's up! I'll be at work again and that's that! Oh man, my eyes are welling with tears as I type thinking about it.
I'm preparing this "introduction to Killian" sheet for daycare, to try to pass on what I know about his habits and needs, but I feel like I'm still learning them. What can I say? Keep him upright after feedings so you don't get the milk-explosion of all milk-explosions. Don't forget to treat his thrush please. He likes nature noises to help fall asleep, which he CONSTANTLY is fighting. He loves to be held. He takes a break while nursing/eating, usually to poop, so don't change him immediately unless you want to do it again a few minutes later. I feel like I'm writing his how-to guide, but I can't put into words how special he is, how precious his little fingers and toes are, how if you watch closely he smiles when he's going to sleep in your arms. My baby is so special to me, but he's about to go to "school" with other babies who are special to their parents too. My little boy won't be any more special than those other babies to his care givers. I guess I will just have to spoil him when I pick him up.
The benefits of Killian going to day care is that perhaps, it will create a bit more of a schedule. I'm sure I'll be exhausted this first month or so, getting both he and I on the schedule, but hey, in a month it will be almost Thanksgiving Break and I can sleep it off then, right? I will be able to return to the world of social interaction as well as mental stimulation. I'll have conversations consisting of more than long vowel sounds, too.
I think he knows something's up too. Momma's been pretty emotional this whole time we've been together, but toward the end of last week it hit pretty hard that our time together was limited. The past two mornings, he's thrown up quite a bit. Now, it's likely something in my diet or the Nystatin upsetting his tummy, but part of me wonders if he's picking up on my anxiety or somehow finding ways to cuddle with me more (via needing to nurse after he empties his belly onto my shoulder, the bed, and the floor). I know he's not old enough to "manipulate" things yet, but still, I wonder...
I have to plan my next two days carefully so that I am both busy and well-rested. Here are some sample agenda items for Wednesday and Thursday: go to doctor, try on clothes to determine which are too large to be considered a part of my wardrobe, use Kohl's giftcard from birthday sparingly to purchase a few replacement items, stop by Motherhood for nursing materials, sterilize all bottles and pump parts, vacuum (oh man does it need done and am I excited! That's not sarcasm, I <3 vacuuming!), organize our file drawers and safe, replace batteries in dead watch, buy more ring "snuggers," try not to obsess over my child, print a few pictures to take to work and buy a frame, read something not Berenstain Bears (ie. my Private series conclusion, finish Malice, and start Power of Six), wash our diapers and contemplate buying another Flip system for home/day care, get hair done on Thursday, attempt to go in to work to get the torch passed back to me for Friday, PUMP PUMP PUMP to maintain my supply! I think that should be enough to fill one day I guess. What will I do on Thursday then (other than my hair and work...)???
Hasta luego from this stressed and saddened Mommy...
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